Can't Stay Away
by T4L3R
Summary: SLASH! About a year after Daniel's return to Earth, he confesses why he really stayed behind after Ra's defeat.  UnBeta'd
1. The Reason I Stayed Behind

**WARNING: Daniel/Jack Slash.**

_All rights belong to their respectful owners._

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**** This is the first one I'm writing. I wrote it at about 430 in the morning to get this story out of my brain. Posted it and now a few hours later after getting a layout of the second chapter than going back to review the first chapter, I've realized there were certain things that I really wanted to fix, primarily the typos. So if you're reading this it would be the revised one. I don't expect anyone has actually read the original I posted considering it's only been a few hours since I posted and now am typing this note. Thanks for reading. Comments are great.**

_**Set during Season Two of the SG1 series**_

**CHAPTER ONE:** The Reason I Stayed Behind

-Daniel's POV-

It was a little past midnight when the credits roll on the screen. I'm on Jack's couch on one end while he's sitting on the other. I don't even know what movie we were watching because, honestly, I had spent the entire time trying to figure out how to tell him. I figure now's the time as he's reaching over for the remotes to shut the TV off.

"Jack?" My voice is a bit shaky with nervousness.

"Daniel." I can feel his questioning eyes on me as I stare at the coffee table.

"About, um, Sha're..."

"We'll find her."

"I know but," I let out a shaky sigh, not able to go on.

"But?"

I take a moment to gather my thoughts. "At Abydos, when you left," I hesitate a moment. My voice is all cracked with nervousness. "She, well, she wasn't the main reason I stayed behind."

I chance a quick glance at Jack as he sat back toying with the remote when he started to talk.

"I guess. I figured as much, considering your deal with the rest of the geeks out there against your theories with the Goa'uld."

"No, that's not it. I could've handled it... I mean after years of ridicule, than meeting Catherine, I could have dealt with it."

A few more moments went by though it felt like hours. Jack broke the silence to ask me what the reason was if not for the Academia.

"Let's just say, while we were there I fell for someone I wasn't supposed to. Someone that was obviously straight, and to top it all off, it was someone, even if he wasn't; he couldn't have acted upon it because of his career. I knew if I came back then, I couldn't handle..." I choke on the last few words and just sat there with my hands fidgeting with the last button on the bottom of my shirt. "I sort of hid behind Sha're as an excuse."

"So, what? You're bi?"

My head jerks up to look at Jack in the eye. It wasn't so much as what he said but the way he said it. It must have been my imagination because I could have sworn there was some hint of desperation or something underneath that relaxed carelessness he was projecting.

"Don't look so surprised Danny. Just because I'm military doesn't mean I'm one of those jarheads that runs out of fear that a guy's going to want to bend him over and stick his dick up his ass."

Stunned I look back down, squirming a little. "Well the thing is I'm not exactly bi, and not exactly the type to go after women either."

"Okay, so why didn't you explain it to the Abydonians that you were and save yourself the trouble of Sha're?"

"Well like I said, I fell for someone that I couldn't and shouldn't be with. Then there was the whole thing with not wanting to be rude considering how she ended up as my wife in the first place."

With a small chuckle, Jack ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, she ran off crying when you first turn her down."

"I mean it's not like I haven't been with a women before."

Once again there's silence only to be broken by Jack again. "So, the main reason you stayed behind... Who was it? I mean there's only a few of us that went with you."

With that I get up and take a few steps away from the couch towards the door. Not knowing what else to do, I stutter the words "Look, maybe I should just leave." Before I can finish the sentence a hand grabs my arm just under the elbow. I stand there staring at the hand frozen. Turning around I look at him, his brown eyes looking for answers in mine. God those chocolate brown eyes of his…

"Don't." His voice is barely audible. Standing up he lets go of me and steps forward coming close to breaking my personal space.

"Jack?"

Exhaling heavily he looks down at his shoes. "Look, by the time I came back, Sara was gone, and..."

"And you were still a father that outlived his son."

With a hesitant nod and taking a moment, he continued. "I spent a good month just getting my head together, sorting through everything, drinking down my own pity. After realizing what I was doing, I bought that dang telescope on the roof to look at the stars because I couldn't get the Stargate out of my head. Couldn't get the fact that you were out there somewhere, having fun, while I was here just sulking in my retirement..."

All I can do is look at him. This is the most I've heard out of him, let alone something so revealing about himself, in one breath. All I can do is just stand there trying to process what he's saying, trying not to let my imagination go anywhere with what he might not be saying. Still, I have to know.

"What are you saying?"

I watch as he fidgets, digging his hands in his pockets. "I'm saying... Oh for crying out loud, forget it! Forget I said anything. Not that you can ask, anyways. Even if you did it's not like I can tell you." With that he pushed passed me and started to head up the stairs to his bedroom.

All I can do is watch. Did he just say what I thought he said? Not knowing what else to do, I grab my coat and leave, taking one last look at the stairs.

-Jack's POV-

I manage to make it up the stairs when I realize what I've just done. Before I can even turn around to go apologize and explain, the door's already closed behind him.

"Great. For all you know he could have been talking about Kawalsky or Ferretti!"

I manage to get into bed and lay there for a good five minutes when I get up again and pull the box out of the closet I've been keeping at the back.

"Damn geek, always had to go sneezing all over the place." Aimlessly I trace the letters written on the Kleenex box. 'Thanks - Please Send More.' This is probably the closest way I can stay with him anyways.

It's all your fault, Daniel. I was doing fine until you just had to show up. Show up and figure everything out. Why did you have to figure it out? Why did you give me the opportunity to go on that mission? It was supposed to be a suicide-mission! Stupid geek... Why did you have to make me fall for you and bring back everything I've been denying all these years? I had barely managed to snap myself back into my denials after everything calmed down from that whole shindig with Ra. We did have some good laughs though, didn't we? Remember the camel thing that dragged you across the desert? Well not funny for you than but hell it's something we laugh at now isn't it?


	2. Insecurities & Realizations

**_All rights belong to their respectful owners._**

**CHAPTER TWO:**Insecurities & Realizations

-Daniel's POV-

_"I bought that dang telescope on the roof to look at the stars because I couldn't get the Stargate out of my head. Couldn't get the fact that you were out there somewhere, having fun, while I was here just sulking in my retirement..."_

_"Oh for crying out loud, forget it! Forget I said anything. Not that you can ask, anyways. Even if you did it's not like I can tell you."_

Only I can't forget what you said… The look you had on your face, the way you walked off, how can I?

"Idiot… I'm a fucken idiot…"

Why did I even bring it up in the first place? Oh right, because a year on another planet made me realize just how much of a damned crush I had on that suicidal maniac of a Colonel who had just lost his son to an accident he probably still blamed himself for. After all he did keep me from getting beat up when I let out that we couldn't go back home. Despite everything, good and bad about him I couldn't stop thinking about him. This same crush that had led to me insisting on leaving the gate uncovered in the hopeless wish that he'd come back. Then there was the way my heart stopped when that box of Kleenex came through. From there one thing led to another. Sha're got captured because of my damn ignorant crush that made me feel like a ten-year old girl!

I should have just left the Stargate buried after they left. Things were fine after they all left. I had even come to love Sha're. Maybe not in love, but I love her nonetheless. Or maybe I should have had the balls to leave with them and faced the music.

God he's straight! He had a wife and kid for Christ's sake!

"Shit. Way to go Daniel. I should just leave. Save him the trouble. Not like there's anything worth saving with your idiotic stammering."

But then again, he had been the one to bring up the whole bisexual question. There was also the fact that he had told me that I couldn't ask and if I did he couldn't answer. Thinking back though, there have been those flashes in his eyes and the way he's always comes into my office just to annoy me. All the nights we spent hanging out. My favorite chocolate he had managed to smuggle in his BDUs to give me on missions. He was always looking out for my best interest and giving me the extra push I needed to last the horrors out there. I always thought of it as sort of the 'Got to look out for the kid brother' type of thing.

Only, why can't I get rid of that look on his face though when I told him to leave me behind on Apophis' ship? The tone in his voice when he said he wasn't leaving me behind. He looked like he'd been stabbed through the heart. It wasn't the look I was expecting from just a friend. It was the way he touched my face too. I can't forget the glee in his eyes when I walked up to the rest of SG-1 either in the gateroom either. The way he grabbed me, called me 'Space Monkey' and had burrowed his face in my shoulder when he hugged me. I thought I was going to die from my own happiness while I let myself pretend we were actually together.

Great… Now I'm sitting here in my car at 2:30 in the morning wondering if all those little moments I brushed off as just having a great friend around was something more. I'm hopeless. I should probably get out now. I've been sitting at the parking lot to my apartment for god knows how long and it was getting awkward, despite the hour.

It's not like we were made for each other anyways. It's not possible. We're complete opposites. We're practically always bickering about something. When we're not, he's always giving me a reason for a heart attack playing with my artifacts.

In some sense it's a good thing I suppose. At least he's not suicidal.

-Jack's POV-

I look up at the clock on the dresser to see it's around 0230 hours. No wonder I'm stiff. I've been sitting the floor in the same position for two hours! Only I don't really want to move. Why am I still holding on to this damn thing? It's been months since I saved it from the garbage. Wait… Saved?

Damn you Danny… I was fine playing up the good old American Straight Military guy until tonight. I was fine with letting myself think that I was just really missing some four-eyed sneezing geek that had turned into someone I ended up admiring and had thought of as a friend when he came back to Earth. I was fine living in denial. Hell, I've even started to have all those dreams about Carter after that planet where she wore that get-up because she was a woman and got herself sold. Now you just had to come out with saying you're gay and had a thing for one of us back on that first trip to Abydos. Then of course I come off with my big mouth and start implying I have a thing for you. Now I can't get you out of my head.

You know what? I'm just going to lie down right here on the floor and go to sleep. Only I can't. Not when all I see is that hair I want to touch and run my fingers through. Not when all I see is your baby blue eyes glow with excitement whenever you've discovered a new rock to play with. What is wrong with me? How did a night that started as two seemingly straight guys hanging out turn into this? Good thing we're off duty for the next couple of days. I don't think I could resist pulling you up against me to kiss you like there was no tomorrow.

Maybe I shouldn't get up at all. Maybe I should just stay here on the cold floor until someone finds me. Hopefully it's Daniel that'll find me. What I would do to see him smile again.

Crap… Danny, get out of my head!

God why me?

I should just buy a boat, sail the ocean and spend my time fishing. Yep. Fishing. That's all I need in my life and a TV to watch The Simpsons. I don't need anything else. Except I need Danny… Nope, can't have him. Well shit, don't I have it in deep? Hope it's Ferretti you have it in for and not me. Only why come out to me with all that stuff you said earlier? Why not be in SG2 so you can be closer to him. Unless it's Kawalsky you were into… well damn… that's another mess I rather not relive.

I want him to be mine. Why didn't I follow him? Dammit Danny I may never forgive you for making me like this. In just a few hours you're turning me into soft emotional marshmallow that can't seem to want to go a minute without wondering what you're doing.


	3. Beer & Coffee

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners.**_

**CHAPTER THREE:** Beer & Coffee

-Daniel's POV-

Noise... Knocking... Make it stop...

"Daniel! Daniel, open up! I know you're in there!"

My eyes snap open and I sit up too fast, causing a slight head rush. I glance at the clock that read 8:20. Funny, I don't remember falling asleep.

"Daniel!"

More banging.

Letting out a groan, I walk up to the door and see Jack smirking as he lifted a six-pack of Heineken. "Beer?"

"Jack it's eight in the morning!"

What is he doing here? Why is he acting like nothing's wrong? With beer nonetheless!

"Are you going to let me in?"

"What? Oh yeah, sure."

I watch as he flops down on my couch and pull out a can from the plastic ring. Stopping just before he pulls the tab, he looks up at me. "Care to join me? Or would you rather stand there looking like a guppy?"

I suddenly close the door a little harder than intended and lock it.

"What are you doing here?"

All he does is sit back to shrug. He lifts his arm and tips the can at an angle. "Want one?"

"No. Jack it's eight in the morning."

"You said that already." He pulls at the tab of the can he's holding and takes a couple of gulps.

"Right. Now answer my question. What are you doing here?"

He just shrugs again. It's too early for this and I've only managed to get about a half hour's worth of sleep.

"Okay, well I'm going back to bed then if you don't mind." With that I turn to go back under the covers. "Stay, leave, I don't care."

A small part of me wants him to stay, and even have him in bed with me. Another part wants him to leave. Why did he have to come here? Of all the times he decides to bug me, why now? I don't want to deal with anyone about now, especially him.

-Jack's POV-

"Right. Now answer my question. What are you doing here?"

All I can do is shrug. What else can I say? "Gee, sorry Danny I woke you up. I just couldn't sleep after you left last night and spent the rest of the night on my floor just thinking about you. After a while I just happen to make a rash decision to quickly change back into the clothes I was wearing, grab this six-pack from my fridge and drive here just so I can see you. Does that answer your question?"

"Okay, well I'm going to bed then if you don't mind. Stay, leave, I don't care."

I watch as he walks off. Jeez look at him. His hair is all mused, and topless. You can't forget that nice six of his that's being hugged so nicely by those blue pajama pants either. He should wear blue more often. God I want him. I take another swing at my beer and put it down.

Why am I doing this? I still don't know if it's me he was talking about. He probably never wanted to see me again. I wouldn't be surprised. I made a fool out of myself. Even if he did stay around, everything's different now. I should leave. Hell I never should have come here in the first place.

I get up to go to leave the apartment but my body starts moving towards his bedroom instead of the door. The door's cracked open so I nudge it open to see Danny under the covers already fast asleep. Careful not to wake him, I creep up and stand there. He looks so peaceful. I watch him for a few more minutes before I turn around to leave.

"Jack."

Shit.

I stand there frozen for a moment. Looking over, I realize he's still asleep. He's smiling. I can't help but smirk as he rolls over to his back when he murmurs my name again. He looks so… cute. Before I know it, I'm brushing some hair out of his face and bending over to press my lips against his forehead.

"Sleep dreams, Danny."

Great. I am so over my head with this. I should leave now. Again my body refuses to let me leave. Not daring to go back to the bedroom I get myself comfortable on the couch to finish off the beer I bought with me.

I can't help but smile as I remember what just happened. He's dreaming about me. Well what do you know?

Well, O'Neill, you're in for it, bad. Yep. This is bad.

-Daniel's POV-

Slowly I start to wake up. I lay there a moment to rub my eyes with the balls of my palms before making a nature. Coffee. I need coffee. Wish I didn't wake up though. That dream I had about Jack was...

Jack! God... The man in question was in fact lying on my couch asleep, with his arm hanging out from the side and an empty can of beer on the floor just under his hand. It looks like the fourth one too. I thought him coming here was just a dream. God please have at least the moment where he walked into my room to wish me sweet dreams have been part of my dream.

I stand there staring as he grunts and sits up to look at me. That's when I realize he's wearing the same clothes as last night. Did he even sleep last night? Of course not, how could he have? I must've really freaked him out.

"Well, morning." His voice is a little too giddy. There's that smirk on his face too that's making me a little suspicious.

Not knowing what else to do, I just walk off to make some coffee. That's when I see it's two in the afternoon. I start to remember what happen this morning while I wait for my coffee. I should question him. That can wait. Coffee first. Yawning I sit on one of the chairs I have in the kitchen to stare at the machine do its work.

"Whatcha doin'?"

I almost fall on my face from the shock. "Jack! Don't do that!"

"Sorry." Clearing his throat he leans against the wall and aimlessly looks around. "So..."

I pour myself a cup of coffee as soon as it's done, taking in a few gulps before answering. Jack on the other hand, is picking up the salt shaker I have on the kitchen table and starts to fidget with the cap.

"Look, about last night, I didn't mean to-"

"Aht, no need. It wasn't your fault, and I was the one to make an ass of myself."

I take in some more coffee. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Pouring myself more coffee, I offer him some which he accepts. "Sorry."

"No need, Danny."

"Well, I don't mean to sound rude but that doesn't explain you banging on my door with beer to spend the first half of the day on my couch."

I watch as he slumps down on a chair to look hard at the mug he was holding. "I wanted to see you." At least that's what I thought he said. Reflectively I step a little closer.

"Can you repeat that?"

"I... I wanted to see you. I couldn't get you out of my head after you left."

Couldn't get me out of your head? Maybe I need more coffee.

"Jack." Before I know it, Jack's jumping up to push me against the kitchen counter and pressing his lips against mine.

I must still be sleeping. No way would I be awake where Jack kisses me like that! Yeah, there's a logical explanation. Just another dream. If it is I don't want to wake up.

"Sorry."

After regaining my focus I look at Jack to read his expression. It was there. The uncertainty, the fear, the confusion. I clear my throat. "Well this is better than the usual dream I have. It actually feels like I'm awake." With that I lean forward to kiss him. Nope, definitely don't want to wake up. God this is better than all the other dreams I had combined.

Jack then starts to pull away which leads me to sigh from the loss of contact. "You are."

"Dreaming? Yes I am."

"Danny." I feel his hands around my shoulders and a small shake. "Danny this isn't a dream."

"Huh?" Processing everything, I decide it couldn't hurt to pinch myself, hard. Ow. Okay maybe I am awake. Oh god, I AM awake!

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Did you just, um..." Stuttering, I look into his eyes. I can't finish the question. I see him nod and back away. Nope. Can't have that. Not after what just happened. Grabbing his shirt I pull him towards me to make contact.

This time we're both at it. What starts out with slow lip brushings that turns into Jack's tongue massaging mine as it passes through his lips. I barely register the fact that he's got his fingers tangled in my hair while my hands are resting just above his hips, slowly creeping up his shirt to touch his skin.

I open my eyes to look into his as we break the kiss to get air. We lean our foreheads together, just staring.

"Well, that was interesting."

With a sigh, Jack finally pulls away, to my disappointment.

"We should talk."


	4. For His Own Good

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Re-upload due to the fact that I ended up posting the wrong draft of the chapter. Sorry for anyone who might have gotten weird notifications via email or confusion.**

_****This chapter has reference to Sarah Gardner,**_

_**a character that doesn't appear in the series until Season Four but no real spoilers****_

**CHAPTER FOUR: **For His Own Good

-Jack's POV-

Did I really just do that? I can't believe I kissed him. What were you thinking, O'Neill? That's right you weren't. Of course he did kiss me back so it's fine. Better then fine. Definitely worth the risk if he wasn't interested and that little thing in his room while he was sleeping was just a fluke. Oh yeah, definitely worth it.

Still… There's a chance he won't want this. Just because he kissed me doesn't mean anything… I may have screwed up everything. Well, that's great.

Now we're on the couch after Daniel says we should talk. How long have we been sitting here in silence anyways? I've always been fine with not talking about my emotions. But this is getting awkward.

There's still beer left. I pull what would be the fifth beer out of the plastic ring. It's warm but I don't care. Before sitting back though, I notice the can I dropped while asleep and put in on the table with the other three empty cans.

This silence is killing me. "So… You wanted to talk?"

"What do you want Jack?" He sounds scared, over-thinking that brain of his again. Don't get me wrong, it's brilliant, and it's saved the world a few times but it does have a tendency to get in the way.

Anyways, here I am looking down at the empty cans, trying to figure out how to answer. What do I want? I want him, definitely want him. Only it's not just meaningless sex I'm looking for. I don't think I can handle that, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't either. A relationship would be nice. That's something that's going to be hard to cover, considering our jobs and my particular position in that job. I take another swing of the beer to figure out the wording of my answer. To hell with it! I'm not denying it anymore. I've already decided that I'm done hiding on the way here so I might as well get this done and over with.

"You." Idiot! What kind of answer is that? And what's wrong with my voice? Why am I so nervous?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him jerk his head up and shift slightly. He turns around on the couch so he's facing me. Clearing my voice I try again. "I want you, with me… I'll retire again if I have too. I…" I let out a nervous laugh, not knowing how else to say what I want.

There's silence again. It goes on long enough for me to finish the rest of the beer and start the last one.

"Look, Jack. I'm sorry but you got the wrong idea…"

Oh god, I knew it. That kiss, it was a fluke. He doesn't want me… Never has, never will.

Why do I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest?

"Last night, I just thought you had a right to know. I never meant to go further than that, especially with your career on the line. The only reason I've decided to stay with the SGC is to find Sha're and go back to Abydos with her. I mean, it is my fault she's in this mess in the first place. I shouldn't have insisted we leave the Stargate unburied…"

Just thought I had a right to know? Never meant to go further than…

"What are you saying? You don't want me?" That comes out harsher then I intended. Geez, O'Neill, calm down. Why are you grilling him anyways? He just had a crush that obviously he's now regretting. Why am I taking this so hard? "Sorry. I'll just go."

I stand up and leave but I stop when I open the door. What's wrong with me? Why can't I leave?

When did I become such an emotional sap that's become so dependent on Daniel?

-Daniel's POV-

Well, this is a surprise. He's obviously not as straight as I thought he was and interested. There's definitely no argument about that, if that make-out session we had in the kitchen was anything to go by. Now what? It's not like we can be in any sort of relationship other than the one we've been having until now. Even if we did, there's the whole Air Force to consider that would have us hiding everything if we did do anything. It would be bad on him if the wrong person found out. I don't want him retiring because of me either.

I have to consider Sha're too. I promised I would find her and return with her. How is she going to react when she finds out that I've been in another relationship with someone else, a man on top of that, and maybe even be happy while she was off being forced to do things she doesn't want to?

Then there's the whole deal where I don't have the best record for relationships. There was Sarah during college. She was nice. Of course that's how I figured out I was gay. Being an idiot, I had led her on. Two months in, I let myself become obsessed because I couldn't handle it and just let her walk off without explaining.

The few men I've been with afterwards, had turned out to just want someone to sleep with, or use me for whatever their reason, so there wasn't anything emotional. Sha're's the one best relationship I've been in with and that was only because Kasuf gave her to me as a gift. On top of that, it wasn't even on Earth.

"So… You wanted to talk?"

God, what do I do? I can't do this… Maybe I won't have too.

"What do you want Jack?" What if he wants what I want?

I chance a glance at him. He's got a scrawl on his as if trying to figure out what to say. When I look back down at my feet I hear him say "You." His voice is all scratchy, no doubt out of fear and self-doubt.

My head jerks up in shock to look at Jack wondering what he meant. I turn around so I'm now facing him on the couch. Before I can gather my thoughts to say anything he clears his throat and starts to talk again.

"I want you, with me… I'll retire again if I have too. I…" He starts to laugh nervously.

He does want me. He's even willing to retire for me.

You could do this… Don't let this become something that we'll both end up regretting. Remember his career. Remember Sha're.

"Look, Jack. I'm sorry but you got the wrong idea…"

Oh jeez. This is hard. He's got that look again, the anguish one that's an exact copy of the time I told him to leave me behind on the ship. Did his breath just hitch?

Suck it up Daniel; it's for his own good, and yours.

"Last night, I just thought you had a right to know. I never meant to go further than that, especially with your career on the line. The only reason I've decided to stay with the SGC is to find Sha're and go back to Abydos with her. I mean, it is my fault she's in this mess in the first place. I shouldn't have insisted we leave the Stargate unburied…"

I can see the pain mix in with confusion.

"What are you saying? You don't want me?"

The sharpness in his voice that's a mix of anger and pain hits me like I've been punched in the stomach. He's taking this hard… I think I've had an easier time dealing with the intergalactic war then this.

"Sorry. I'll just go."

I watch as he stands to leave but stops when he has the door open. Everything in me is screaming to let him go.

Why does it feel like if he goes through that door that he'll never come back? It hurts… why does it hurt thinking about him leaving?

It's for his own good, remember? Let him go. You can go to the mountain first thing in the morning to hand in your transfer to another team. I can leave the SGC as soon as I find Sha're and I won't have to see him again. He doesn't need me.

Why isn't he leaving?

All of a sudden there's a cold laugh. I try to ask him why he's laughing but I can't seem to be able to say anything.

"You know, it's funny. I spent all that since coming back after Abydos being perfectly fine in denial." Jack's voice is in this monotone that makes me think if I didn't know any better, I wouldn't think it was him talking. "It started to get harder when I was pinned to the wall and those things from that time capsule we brought back started to talk through me. I wanted to blame you last night... Now, not even twenty-four hours later, I can't... You've turned me into something I never wanted to deal with, something I can't afford because of everything we're dealing with out there. I'm scared shitless because I still don't want to deal with it. Don't blame yourself, Danny, because I know that's what your doing, or will do. God... I don't even know what I'm saying."

Great. Now I really regret bringing it up. I knew it was a bad idea.

He turns around and I see a weak smile on his face. "Hey, don't..." I watch as he walks up to me and unfolds my arms from around my chest. I didn't even realize I was hugging myself. Next thing I know Jack has his lips on mine.

"You have every reason not want me, and I don't blame you. I'm an idiot of a Colonel that's all for big guns and doesn't have the slightest idea on what you and all the other geeks prattle about. You deserve better. Someone younger even. Just... do me a favor. Be happy." He hugs me, whispering, "I love you."

With that, he straightens himself with his usual smirk, like nothing's happened. "So, see you Tuesday at the mountain?"

Without an answer he's gone, shutting the door behind him.

Crap...

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have no idea where I'm going with this. It sort of started as an idea that demanded writing, and now I don't know because quite honestly I only saw the beginning of this in my brain and never really figured out how to finish. Let me know what you think so far, because this just could be a case of writer's block but I don't know.**

**The episode where Jack is pinned to the wall is called 'Message In A Bottle'**

**If you want a more specific time reference for where this story is compared to the show, it's between 'Message In A Bottle' (Episode 7) & 'Secrets' (Episode 9) of the second season. At least at this point it is.**


	5. Letting Him Go

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners.**_

**CHAPTER FIVE: **Letting Him Go

-Jack's POV-

_God it hurts._

_What happened?_

_Why am I pinned to the wall?_

_Daniel… Where's Daniel?_

_Teal'c's here. That's good; at least I won't die alone. Wish it was Daniel instead._

_Why do I keep thinking about him? I'm not supposed too. This is bad. Where IS he?_

_Jesus Christ there was a time where he was 'Jackson' to me, not Daniel or Danny and I hated him! For so many reasons._

_Freshly reactivated to take over this Stargate assignment and the first thing I noticed when I entered that room was the shaggy haired dweeb by the board. He was correcting a translation, which at first didn't really impress me much, because everything pointed 'Geek' and had that 'Know-It-All, I'm right you're wrong' attitude (at least to me it did) going on which weren't exactly my favorite type of people. _

_Then again, people in general at that point weren't exactly on my list of things, along with basically everything else._

_It was when he turned around that I had decided on to really hate him, because the first thing that popped into my head was "Wow, he actually looks kinda hot for a geek." He was stirring up feelings that I had long since denied, and wasn't in the situation to allow in the first place even without the military. I avoided him the next couple of weeks, which was pretty easy considering he holed himself up in his work, a habit that's never gotten old. It just happened less these days because I keep dragging him away from it._

_The next time I actually stayed in the same room with him was where my interest in him started; though I refused to really admit it, or allow myself to actually feel it. That gave me more reason to hate him. He was still the know-it-all that was full of shit. I kept repeating that thought in my head over and over, allowing myself to at least think I believed it. Anything to help me do my job and not worry about anything else._

_It wasn't until we got to Abydos where my curiosity about him got stronger to the point where I accepted that I may have started to feel something for him. It was the way he went about things, I didn't feel the know-it-all in him that I first sensed. It was more his curiosity that egged mine. It didn't hurt to help slowly break things down for me when he got dragged off by the camel. He actually fed the thing chocolate._

_The conversation we had about life, death, the reason for the bomb... That surprised me for some odd reason. I told him about outliving Charlie. I didn't even tell Kawalsky about it until we were back at the SGC recalling the first Abydos trip despite everything we went through, and there I was telling him all this. That's when I realized I was starting to feel things but still didn't accept it._

_It was when he had that staff on me to kill that really changed things. Someone was reflecting a light on his face and he does something that surprises me and turns around to start shooting. That's when the battles began, the freedom for the planet's natives and my personal emotions on this Doctor Daniel Jackson where I had finally accepted my feelings for him. I was going to say something but changed my mind when he decided to stay, to my disappointment. I watched as he and Sha're kiss, which I decided was for the better anyways. With that I had tucked everything back to where it should be, told him we'd see each other again, and went back home._

_I tell Teal'c that he doesn't need to stay. Part of me is glad he's here, another is feeling guilty, while a third part is just feeling the self-pity that rather be alone, still I had to offer._

_I try not to laugh. The Jaffa just told a joke. What do you know? There's hope for him yet._

"_Sir? Just about through here." Thank god!_

_I barely hear the guy say it's moving when I grab Teal'c shirt and yell. The pain!_

"_God… God help me…"_

_How long have I been up here now? Damn. I wish it didn't have to end like this. Where's Daniel? _

_Please help me._

_This is going to kill us all, and I had given the order to bring this thing here._

"_I blew it… I screwed up."_

"_I also believed we should have retrieved the object."_

_I don't want to die. I want to see Danny again. I want to go fishing. I haven't even gotten around to watching the latest Simpsons yet!_

_Who's going to drag Daniel away from his work and take care of him? He's going to feel guilty because of this. It's not even the slightest bit his fault but he will. Damn that sensitive geek. I have reasons to live, and he gave me those reasons._

_What about Earth? We can't have this spread out further either. Dang it we put to much work into keeping this world safe. We've even died a few times, well maybe not so much for everyone but Daniel, but hell we still put more then our fair share of asses in this mess to be defeated by some blue bugs that looks like something that should be a school science fair experiment._

_Daniel? Is that you? Carter? I must be getting close to dyeing because I'm hearing his voice fade in and out, along with Carter, Hammond, and Teal'c… Well I don't hear Teal'c but I know he's there doing his usual stoic stare._

_There's Carter again. Is she saying I may not survive? I don't want to die. Have to survive. For Daniel, I want to see Daniel again…_

_What's happening? I'm talking but I'm not. The aliens are talking through me. Strange, it's creepy. _

_Damn, why can't they ever just leave us alone? That's it. I'm going to retire after this… again._

_Daniel? Is that you?_

_That's it. Keep talking. If there's one last thing I want, need, before I die, it's having you around. Your voice, you're face. The look of realization, that fascination written on your face, I love that look on you. Think Daniel. Use that brain of yours. I see it. Figure something out! Don't let this thing spread and kill us all. Don't let this kill you._

"_P4G-881!"_

_That's it! Yes! I knew you'd think of something._

_What's going on? It's getting cooler._

_'We shall be leaving now.' Where did that come from? I didn't hear someone it that's for sure. Great, I'm starting to hear things now._

_Oh god, I'm going to die and I never got to tell him I… No! Can't let myself think it. Especially not while I'm still in the Air Force._

_I open my eyes again to see Teal'c looking back, cocking his head._

_I feel myself stand up and walk towards the orb. They're leaving. Good. Danny won't die._

_Next thing I know I'm being helped to sit up in front of the gate. I feel fine, exhausted but peachy._

_I turn to see Daniel._

"_Nice work." By the way, I just realized my feelings for you is a lot deeper then I had thought… but I can't say or do anything so, I'm going to put myself back into the world of denial okay?_

"_It is good to see you alive and well, O'Neill."_

_Alive and well, I suppose I am. This is weird. I pull down my shirt. Nothing's there. No marks, scratches, wounds, or scars there to prove I had a spike pinning me to the wall._

"_Welcome back, Jack."_

_Daniel… You're alive!_

"_We thought you were gone for good, sir."_

_Did I die?_

"_Wild Horses, Captain."_

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I manage to go home, and get myself cleaned up and shaved.

I can't believe I told him I love him. It's true though. That's why it's been getting harder the last couple of weeks. Now, it's all out there. No more denials, no more hiding. I'm getting tired of this. It's not like I can put it back in the closet like I did with this box.

After finishing getting dressed in a pair of gray sweats and a white t-shirt, I pick up the Kleenex box that's sitting on the bed. "Looks like it's just you and me." I let out a chuckle at the thought that I'm now probably going to have a better relationship with this piece of cardboard rather then with Daniel.

He knows I love him now. Hell I even know it now and there's no way that's going back to the corner of my brain somewhere to be forgotten. Things might be awkward from now on and just because he doesn't want me doesn't mean this is going to go away.

My stomach suddenly growls, making me realize I haven't had anything all day except the beer and coffee. Digging through my inventory, I realize I don't have much of anything. So with that I decide to eat a bowl of Fruit Loops before making a trip to buy some more beer and steak. I have to force myself out the house to get the beer and steak. I don't have much of an appetite and Danny's rejection is really hitting me hard. What else did I expect? Why am I even taking it hard at all?

Jesus, let it go O'Neill. Isn't there a saying out there that says 'If you love something enough, let it go?' Of course Daniel's a person not a thing but it still applies right?

Maybe I'll just go to O'Malley's, it saves me the trouble of cooking... Besides, staying out of the house for a few hours might even be good for me. I can even get Teal'c and try to teach him how to play pool. Unless Carter's been teaching him... That's a scary thought. I've lost enough money to her as it is.

-Daniel's POV-

It's about six thirty now, and I've spent the last few hours trying to keep my mind occupied with getting some cleaning done. The only thing that seems to want to occupy my time though is what happened earlier.

I've even tried a very cold shower to avoid thinking about Jack, especially when I realized I spent the whole time he was here shirtless. That had led to my nervous breakdown that I manage to avoid with the fact that we've already seen each other shirtless, and that I've even sneaked some really nice looks of him in the shower over at the Mountain.

He thinks I don't want him. He's miserable because he thinks I don't want him!

Way to go. Try to spare a guy from any trouble, and you make things worse because guess what? You've turned him into something that he doesn't want, and hey! The guy also just happens to be in love with you. This is great isn't it?

He loves me. He actually loves me. How? This is psychotic.

It's true that I was in fact in love with him. I've known that I'd been in love with him since I realized he wasn't willing to risk me staying behind on Helipolis. I would have died, again, only it would have been for good that time around. It wasn't so much the fact that he had saved my life that made me realize that I loved him but the tone of his voice and his eyes.

All those moments now are making sense now.

"_Just... do me a favor. Be happy."_

How can I be happy now when my happiest moments are with you? Oh wow, even all those times we spent arguing, I've been happier. I think it's because despite everything, we still manage to go back to being best friends. It's what friends do. I'm pretty sure we've gotten to the point where we end up fighting just to fight, or even blow off some steam. It's easy because we're so different.

I'm trying not to be guilty but how can I not be? He's done everything to try and keep me happy. He's helped me go through stuff that I would gladly stay dead for then rather go through again, like the withdrawal from the sarcophagus or Hathor.

I did the right thing didn't I, by letting him go? The last thing he needs is always having to worry about me and my problems.


	6. The Punch

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners.**_

**CHAPTER SIX: **The Punch

_**(Sort of a lousy name for this chapter...)**_

-Daniel's POV-

Figuring there's nothing else to do, I decide to go to the mountain. My apartment's been cleaned, the fish were fed and I'm not in much of a mood to do anything else. There are a few artifacts to translate that I've been meaning to start as soon as I got back from downtime but I need a better distraction at this point. There's no harm in getting a head start is there?

Only my office isn't quite empty. When I walk in, I find Jack at my desk just staring into space. He's got an empty tray in front of him so he must have gone to the mess for dinner. Now I think of it, I haven't eaten anything myself except for some chocolate and an apple while I was cleaning.

This is weird. Jack here on downtime? Isn't he the one who's always complaining we need to get out more? Letting out a sigh, I close the door and walk up to his side.

"Jack?" Getting nothing, I snap my fingers in front of his eyes. This is unusual for him. He's usually more alert at the mountain except maybe in briefings. "Hello? Jack!"

"Huh? Daniel? What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same thing."

"I asked you first."

Why does he insist on being such a child at times? "This is my office."

"But we're on downtime."

"Exactly! Now are you going to explain why you're here, while we're on downtime, in my office? You're the one who's saying we all need to get lives."

With a shrug, all he says is, "Wanted to see if Teal'c wanted to go to O'Malley's. Thought I might be able to teach him how to play pool but he's agreed to help break some personnel in on battle techniques or whatever it is they do in 'Fighting Jaffa 101.'"

"Okay, that explains why you're at the Mountain but why are you in my office?"

"I… don't know. I'll just leave."

I glance up at the camera in the room while he makes his way to the door, only to see that it's off. Jack must have turned it off when he came in. Well now's a good time as ever isn't it? Before he manages to grab the doorknob, I blurt out, "You're not going to bring it up again are you?"

"Bring what up?"

"Jack, if I remember clearly you just told me a few hours ago that you loved me."

I watch as he pales a couple of shades. "I'm not denying it. You've obviously made it clear you don't feel the same way, so can we just go back to what we were doing before?"

"What? Fighting the System Lords, saving the planet yet again, and looking for new ways to better the mankind? Than what? Go home at the end of the work day to pretend we didn't get shot at on another planet?" My voice is starting to rise but I don't care. "There are enough things we just have to just shove under the carpet, Jack, and you want to add this on top of it?"

"For crying out loud Daniel! Why are you getting angry at me for? You're the one who's decided there's nothing that's going to happen between us." Trying to control his own yelling he manages to let out a strangled, "You don't want me remember? Why are you acting like I'm to blame?"

"Idiot."

"Glad you've finally noticed."

God... how did it turn into this? "I never..."

-Jack's POV-

He's got his arms around himself again.

Shit... Why did I have to come here after I saw T? Why couldn't I just stay away? I should have realized he'd come here. What else did I expect? The man practically lives, eats, and sleeps his work away.

Now he's upset. I don't get it... He told he's had a thing for me but only said something because he thought I had a right to know. He doesn't want anything to do with me and is only around me to be with Sha're. He wouldn't lie about something like that. So why is acting like this?

"Never what?"

Not answering me, he walks over to his desk to pick up the tray I came in here with and shoves it on me. With that he's sitting down shuffling through the papers on his desk, simply saying "Just go." His voice is flat and I could have sworn I saw him blinking away some tears.

What the...?

"Daniel..."

"I need to get these done. Now if you don't mind, just leave. I don't have time for your crap."

My crap?

"You're the only acting like some middle-aged woman who's going through her time of the month!"

Uh-oh... bad choice of words. Way to go O'Neill...

Daniel's head jerks up. Yeah. There's no denying it. Those are tears he's fighting. Only this time his eyes have a look of anger and hate in them.

Next thing I know, I'm stumbling towards the floor due to the fact that I've just been punched in the mouth. A punch that I never knew was in one sensitive, oh so gentle peace-loving Doctor Daniel Jackson.

Sure he's fired at and even killed some enemy Jaffa but this? Wow.

"Crap... Oh jeez, Jack I'm sorry."

He tries to help me up but I decide to slump down on the floor, against the door instead. Feeling something wet at the corner of my mouth, I wipe my hand across the area and pull it up to see blood. I have to chuckle at what he just did. "Didn't know you had it in you, Danny. We'll make a boxer of you yet."

"Sorry." Daniel moves to sit across from me, his knees up to his chest and arms around his shins. He looks defeated. It sort of reminds me of him standing in one of the halls when we first came back from Abydos and I dragged him back to my place because he had no where else to go.

"Why are you sorry? It was my fault. I should be the one to apologize."

All I get is Danny burying his face in his knees. We sit like this for a couple of long minutes.

Not knowing what else to do, I ask, "You never what?"

"Huh?" He lifts his head and stares at me. His eyes... Daniel's eyes. They're so blue. They shouldn't have that look in them. I would give anything to get rid of that anguish in them forever.

"Before you punched me – and don't say you're sorry, you had every reason to! Before that. You started to say something. 'I never...'"

"I never..." He exhales, taking a moment to compose himself before continuing, "said I didn't want you."

Huh? What was he saying? "Danny?"

Danny starts to stand up but I grab his hand before it's to late. I pull him down, moving myself over a little so we can both sit comfortably against the door. His head's lowered so his hair is covering most of his face. I move some hair away but leave my fingers in his hair. It's so soft...

I'm surprised he's letting me do this. He's even leaning into me.

Not knowing what else to do I put my arm around his shoulders and rub his left arm.


	7. Tired

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners.**_

**A/N:****Sorry about the last chapter. ****Ch6 is somewhat redone but basically the same. I just went back to fix any punctuation I may have missed and slightly twisted around some of the wording to give it less of a rushed feeling as much possible (last time I try to write & upload something with a hangover... ****I hate how it turned out.**** I replaced the original one with the fixed one about an hour or two after the initial upload). No need to really reread it to continue but feel free if you'd like.**

**CHAPTER SEVEN: **Tired

-Daniel's POV-

What just happened? I can't believe I did that. Why did I make a big deal out of this in the first place?

It was what I decided from the beginning. We can't be together. It doesn't matter if we both want it or not. I know I want nothing more. He's the first person in a long time, since I was a kid really, where I felt safe around. That's one of the things I love about him I suppose.

He doesn't need or deserve me…

All I do is make things worse.

I punched him! Well he did call me a middle aged woman that was going through what their bodies are meant to do… so I suppose I did have the right to punch him but still!

"You never what?"

"Huh?" I look up at Jack. His expression is soft, almost sad. It's like he's longing for something…

"Before you punched me – and don't say you're sorry, you had every reason to! Before that, you started to say something. 'I never...'"

"I never..." I have let out a heavy breath before going on, "said I didn't want you."

"Danny?"

I start to stand up to put some distance between us but I'm suddenly being pulled down by Jack so I can sit next to him.

What do I do? Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought it would be. Why bother fighting something we both want?

I can't though. It's obvious I have some serious bad luck when it comes to relationships. We'd have to hide it too. Damn DADT! Who's the fucken idiotic genius that thought that up!

He has his hand in my hair to move it so he can see my face.

I want this so badly…

He has his arm around me now. I really like this. Maybe this won't be a bad thing.

Without thinking, I bury my nose in the nook of his neck to take in his scent. He smells nice; obviously he's showered before coming here. There's still a small hint of the beer's smell on him but I like it. I'm not much for beer myself but it feels right to smell it on him. Coming from him, I love it. It's very… Jack.

Oh god... The embarrassment of what I just did makes me groan and bury my face in his shoulder. I'm a little surprised he doesn't laugh at or question the fact that I just sniffed him. Instead he gives me a small squeeze of comfort and kissing me on the top of my head.

I really like this... a lot. I know there can be nothing between us and that we have to break apart soon but right now, I just want to sit here.

-Jack's POV-

Okay so he does want me. What's he afraid of? Having a relationship? That must be the reason. I don't know too much of his dating history but I wouldn't be surprised if they ended horribly if he had any at all. Too many horrible things happened to him, that's for sure. None of them he deserved. Who could blame him for having all those barriers and being resistant to doing anything that leads to his own happiness? I swear Danny, I'll kill them. I'm going to find the bastards who hurt you and kill them myself.

I won't take no for an answer now. Hopefully I won't make things worse. I'll wait until you're ready. I don't care how long it takes. I need you in my life. It's obvious I can't stay away from you in any shape or form, I think I proved it by the fact that I came to your empty office since I knew I couldn't be with you directly. I'll be happy to be around as a friend if that's what it takes but I'm not willing to accept that now.

Once relaxed in my arm, Danny moves his head to bury his face in my neck and inhales deeply. Well that's... different. He's suddenly groaning and leans deeper into my shoulder. I fight the laugh that wants to come out from Daniel's embarrassment. I want to tell him how adorable he is but I keep my mouth shut. Better let him take the lead on this one. I don't want to screw this up and end up hurting him again. Besides, I'm enjoying having him here like this.

I opt to give a quick squeeze in the arm and kiss that hair of his. Thankfully, that seems to be the right thing to do, and I find myself smiling as he snuggles himself further into my hold to get more comfortable.

All of the sudden there's a stomach growling and Daniel's going stiff beside me. This time I don't bother hiding my laugh.

"When's the last time you actually ate something? Wait, don't answer that..." It was last night's pizza we had no doubt. I get up, and pulling Daniel with me. "C'mon, we're going to O'Malley's, my treat." I give him a smile that I haven't used since before Sara and I married. That's when the gorgeous, hopefully soon to be mine, archaeologist coughs and looks down at his shoes, trying to hide the blush that's forming on his cheeks. This time I can't help but say it. "You're so...adorable, you know that?"

His ears are suddenly starting to go red as well which just makes me laugh again. With that, I open the door for him and lead him out the mountain.

-Daniel's POV-

Jack suggests we go to O'Malley's for dinner, which I just go along with. He pretty much orders most of the food for me. I try to tell him he doesn't need to but I end up caving. How can I not when he flashes the hottest smile that'll melt anyone's heart? God damn it! That's the second time tonight that he's made me feel like just passing out at the sight of him. Why does he have to do that?

I'm trying NOT to get into anything romantic with you, O'Neill, and you throw this at me!

Okay, better tell him off now before he starts getting the idea that we're dating all of the sudden.

"This isn't a date or anything if that's what you're thinking you know?"

He gives me a smirk. "I know."

"Good."

"So we're just friends?"

"Yes."

"We're putting this under the rug than?"

Oh jeez… I got angry with him of just ignoring things that should be talked about earlier and here I am doing the same thing myself.

Exhaling heavily, I start to explain. "Look, I meant what I said earlier. You had a right to know, and I'm pretty much here to find Sha're to go back with her. I want this…" I lower my voice a little and move closer to make sure he's the only one to hear me. "I want us. I've wanted it since we came back from you know where with Ernest. But it can't happen."

"Well why not? Can you honestly go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow only to act like we don't have anything going on between us? Like you said, we have enough to hide and lie about. Why should this be one of those?"

I wait for the waitress to drop off the food and leave before answering.

"Jack, all we'll be doing is trading in one thing to lie about for another. We can't do this, not with your career."

"I'll retire. I've done it before."

"I don't want to you to retire just because of me."

We sit in silence for a while as I start to eat. Jack's ordered a lot of food for one person but surprisingly enough, once started, I've manage to finish most of it. Apparently I was hungrier than I thought I was.

I look up at Jack to see him watching me. He's got a small frown on etched on his forehead.

"I don't think I could do it."

"Do what?"

"Just let the things stay the way they were. I won't retire if you don't want me to, but don't ask me to pretend that this isn't going on." He lets out a small chuckle. "You've turned me around you know? I need you. I'm dependent on you, and yeah it scares the shit out of me. Look, I'll do whatever you want, and I know staying friends isn't what you want. If this is about Sha're or if you're not ready, it's fine. I'm not going anywhere. Can we just not hide this from each other?"

All I could do is look down, not knowing what to say. What is there to say?

The truth is, it isn't just because of his career or Sha're that I'm so resistant on this. I don't have the best record for things like this.

"I'm… scared…"

"I figured."

"Look can we just get out of here?"

"Sure."

After he pays for the food, we awkwardly stand by our cars. I watch as Jack shifts uncomfortably.

Maybe he's right… I have to ask myself though, what I'm really afraid of. Jack wouldn't leave me would he? Screw it… I should know better than anyone that life is short. I'm tired of running from things.

* * *

**A/N:**** I should be done with this in the next chapter. Thanks for the reading, and I appreicate the subscriptions/feedbacks.**


	8. Promise?

_**All rights belong to their respectful owners.**_

**CHAPTER EIGHT: **Promise?

-Daniel's POV-

"Checkmate."

We're in Jack's living room now, and I've just beaten him three out of three in Chess. Neither of us is really surprised by it though, considering it's usually me that wins.

I sit back as he resets his side of the board for another game. When realizing I'm not doing the same, he looks up and says, "What?"

"You're right."

"I am? Of course I am. What about?"

"About us, we can't go on ignoring what we have between us. I don't want to go on living in what ifs and regrets because I was too scared. Look when I die – let me finish – when I die for good, hopefully it'll be of old age, I don't want to have to wonder what it would've been like between us. I'm more scared of not being with you than with. I'll probably never be ready. But if I don't…"

"Danny…"

I move so I can sit next to him. "I love you, Jack." Before he can reply, I'm kissing him senseless.

-Jack's POV-

It's about 0230 hours and Danny's in my arms asleep. The excitement of what's happened the past few hours is keeping me up.

We're together now… I can't believe it.

Jeez, look at him. He's so peaceful.

It's than that it hits me. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy that he's with me now but I can't help the fact that it's also got me feeling guilty.

Shit…

-Daniel's POV-

I'm not sure what woke me up but the first thing to enter my head is the fact that Jack's not in bed holding me. After putting on my clothes, I find him sitting in one of the chairs that he's got in front of his telescope on the roof deck. He's got the Kleenex box in his hands, which makes me smile.

"_Jack? What's this?" I pick up the box and turn it over to read 'Thanks – Please Send More' in my handwriting._

_Taking it in his hands he shrugs and says, "Um… Yeah. I kind of… They were probably going to throw it out, and I couldn't let that happen."_

"_I didn't know you were so sentimental." Wow… I think I've just fallen deeper in love with him._

"_Yeah, well…"_

_I run my fingers through his hair and gently kiss his lips. "You want to know something? So am I."_

_Seeing his confused look I give the lettering a small tap. "You know the marker that I wrote that with? I still have it. It's in a little bag right now taped right above the door inside my closet."_

I sit down on the empty chair next to him, breaking his train of thought. "Hey. I got cold without you holding me."

"Sorry."

There's a moment of silence. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I don't deserve you."

"Jack…"

"No, listen. It's the truth. You should be in Egypt somewhere digging for those rocks you love so much. You shouldn't have had to suffer the way you did. You're too brilliant and caring. You should have everything and anything that makes you happy. Your past, this life right now… God Danny, you shouldn't have to go around having those barriers around you." Nodding towards the stars, he continues. "There's a war out there that we shouldn't be a part of and you're in it. You don't belong out there, it's not you. This is turning you into something you're not! For fuck's sake look what it's done to you! They've put a gun in your hands to fight something that shouldn't even exist! You're an archeologist, linguist, and whole load of other things to make you a brilliant genius! Someone so caring and gentle shouldn't have to go around killing. You deserve to be happy, with someone so much better."

He starts to get up to leave but I stop him.

"So, what? Okay, so maybe I didn't deserve to have my parents crushed to death in front of my eyes when I was just a kid. Maybe I didn't deserve to be shoved from one foster family to another all my life. Maybe I didn't deserve to be beat down everywhere I went because I'm some weak four-eyed geek. Maybe I didn't deserve to be laughed down on by the Academia. For Christ's sake, don't you think I know that this isn't my war to fight? But I'm fighting for Sha're, Skaara, and every other Abydonian. I'm fighting so people shouldn't have to suffer under the hands of the Goa'uld!"

"Danny…"

"Shut up Jack. God only knows why but in case you haven't noticed, I happen to be in love with a certain Colonel that isn't as dumb as he appears to be. For Christ's sake, you were ready to bomb yourself with Ra to ensure the safety of Earth that first mission we went too! You were psychotic than, still are by the way, and so am I for falling for you. But you know what? If I deserve to be happy, than damn it, it's going to be with you in my life!" I'm practically yelling by the end of my rant, too fueled by emotion to really care that it's the middle of the night and I may wake up the neighbors.

When I finish, I'm pushing past Jack, going back inside to gather my things so I can leave. Before I can grab my coat though, I'm being pulled into Jack's arms. It's than I end up just breaking down. I usually don't break down crying in front of anyone, I don't like to. Only this isn't just anyone. This is Jack… With him I know I'm safe.

"It's going to be okay. I love you; I just want you to be happy…"

"I know… I love you too."

After I calm down enough, Jack pulls away just enough to look at me and smiles in a way that makes me go red.

"My Space Monkey."

I laugh at the nickname. God, that makes no sense at all. Where did he even come up with that?

"Don't stop."

"Don't stop what?"

"Loving me… and calling me that, no matter how ridiculous it sounds."

He pulls me back into his arms, holding me tighter. "Never."

"Promise?"

His lips are suddenly on mine, kissing me in a way that I have to lean against him because my knees have suddenly lost their momentum.

"Wow… I'll take that as a yes…"

"Definitely."

It's than that I try to fight a yawn, which I fail horribly at. With a chuckle, Jack's telling me it's time to go back to bed. I don't fight him leading me back where I undress to my boxers like before.

As we're about to go under the covers, Jack suddenly jumps towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"Be right back."

I'm just finishing getting comfortable against the headboard to wait for him when Jack comes back in holding the Kleenex box. With a proud smile, he sets it on the dresser and joins me.

"My sentimental not-so-tough Colonel."

"That's me. You won't let it out at the SGC will you?"

"Only if you never let go of me."

"That's a promise I'm all too willing to keep."

"That's good, because I intend to keep my sexy Teddy Bear." It's cheesy, I know, but it's all I can come up with on short notice. Besides, Jack's always been the one with the nicknames, not me.

"Teddy Bear?"

"Complaining?"

"What's there to complain about when I've got the best thing the universe has ever created here in my arms?"

"Exactly."

My Teddy Bear lets out a warm chuckle and kisses my hair. "Go to sleep, Space Monkey."

-F I N-


End file.
